


Time Lords Don't Eat Ham

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Crossover, Explicit Language, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Mystery, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Television, Vampires, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-11
Updated: 2009-12-11
Packaged: 2018-10-27 15:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10811427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: > Polly Rocket Adams: Time Lord. Her name's sensational, her title's Universally bloody brilliant, her boyfriend's Sirius ruddy-well Black and she's just invented the time machine. Things are looking up.  They conquered Hogwarts, they conquered the bedroom. Now they conquer time and space. Hell, there's even a coffee grinder on board.





	Time Lords Don't Eat Ham

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to a great number of marvelous people. (Sydney Newman, C.E. Webber and Donald Wilson, mainly). Harry Potter belongs to one rather marvelous person. (Really? Do I have to name her?) And all that you see here is me most likely ruining both of them for you forever. I apologize. 

  
Author's notes: She's been tinkering in their garage, locking her mind up and banging together wood in a manner Sirius finds entirely amusing. Once it's finished, though, where to first?  


* * *

"What are you doing?"

She huffed a strand of hair away from her face as she applied another, outer coating of paint. "It's a police box." She paused and surveyed the small patch she'd been working on, nodding in approval and moving on to another section.

"Why are you making a police box?" he asked, leaning on the door and picking a stray piece of lint away from his sleeve.

"Doctor Who," She explained.

"Doctor what?" he asked, looking up.

"No... it's Doctor  _Who_."

He laughed and shook his head. "Fine. What's  _Doctor Who_?"

She grinned up into his stone-grey eyes and tapped paint off the end of her brush. "A muggle TV show. It's about this guy -'The Doctor', he's called- and he travels in time and space. You should watch it some time. Really, it'd be just your type of thing." She returned to her pot of blue paint. "Very... unusual. You'd love it."

He walked forward and wrapped his arms around her waist kissing his way up her neck. "Hmm. Are you calling yourself unusual?" She leant back into him.

"Of course not!" She turned around and aimed a mock glare at him.

"Ah. See, I thought I liked unusual things?"

She took a moment to glare and think. "Well, I suppose I'll just have to be the exception that makes the rule."

He raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you will Mrs. Adams."

They leaned forward, slowly advancing on the opponent in equal time. He reached a hand around the strap of her overalls as she tugged gently at his collar. He grinned a hot breath and, with a heated sigh-

_BING._

She bounced backwards. "The second side is dry!"

He raked a hand through his hair frustratedly and gave her latest project a skeptical glance. "How long are you planning on doing this for? There is a very forlorn bed upstairs." He pouted. She snorted.

"It'll be worth it. Trust me."

His pout deepened.

Her mouth quirked into a wry grin. "Stupid mutt," she mumbled.

"Oh, but you love it."

***

Dark blue panels that seemed a throwback to the beginning of time somehow layered the outer walls while bright signs lining the top proclaimed it to be, 'A Police Public Call Box'. It made her shiver and grin like a madman. She lashed out her wand and, brandishing it tightly, advanced on the doors. Waving it lightly, the doors flew open, revealing a dull inside. What you would predict of a Police Box. Her eyes flashed in anticipation and, with a flourish and a wordless spell through closed eyes, the space grew, shifting to an endless expanse, hallways winding, lights flickering and, in the very centre of it all, a mis-matched panel that could, with the proper encouragement, control the very fabric of time.

Oh yes. Well worth it.

"Sirius!"

A brief patter of feet later and a wolfish grin appeared at the doorway. "You called?"

"I need your help." She held out a hand, which he took with an interested smile.

"For what?"

"Magic, of course."

***

They took a moment to marvel at the accomplishment, glowing and whirring and spinning in all the right places. It was beautiful.

"Ket?"

She parted her gaze from the last great wonder of the world. Her greatest accomplishment by far. "Yes?"

"You're bloody brilliant. I don't know how I ever dated anyone before you."

She elbowed him in the ribs and laughed as he rubbed at them. "Oh yes you do."

He thought for a moment on that. "Hm. I guess I do."

She nudged her elbow into his side again, pursing her lips. "Well, do you want to see if it works?"

His eyes widened. "You mean travel?"

"Personally, I think Jesus was just a bit of a sly wizard. Care to take a wager?"

"Good lord, Ket. Jesus?"

"It  _is_  a time machine."

"Yeah... but, I mean... that's- Jesus!"

She parted her lips and pulled them back in what could have been her widest grin to date. "Exactly."

He spluttered and choked on common sense as she tugged him forward, conjuring a stack of clothes from the bedroom in the process. Never one to lack organisation. She flipped a number of switches, having programmed it herself, and rolled a dial in a maniacal fashion. "How about we take lighter steps to begin with? I hear Queen Victoria was part werewolf. Very reliable sources, you know? Next time let's bring Remus."

"You're terrifying sometimes, Ket. Bloody brilliant... but terrifying."

"Yes, well, it's not everyday a childhood dream gets realized."

"What's that?"

"A higher position than Malfoy. I'm fucking Universal royalty now. Not even  _Lord Lucius Malfoy,_ " she sneered with a lopsided grin, "is that bloody high up."

"What are you now, then?"

The engine began to fade in and out, whirring like a wheezy dog on a summer's day. Wind swept tools about the garage, blue light tinted the paint-spattered walls and, standing in the eye of a century-spanning storm, she whispered, "Time Lord."


End file.
